but the uni/course applications are such a hassle gahhhh:S
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jie came to s'pore but didn't really had time to bring her around yet.dad has been doing the tour-guiding..haha.hope to re-bond/break ice with her after all these years haha.
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haven't blogged for so long,i'm so busyyy:S arghhhh~
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oh save me i'm totally falling over lil' cute cheeky boys in schoolllllll ahhhh.and small eyed boys toooo~~~
seeing elena and ppl having their last 2 days in school makes me think of my own last days when they come round...how i'll miss my kidsT.T
now i understand why teachers show favouritism,it's really not their fault,it's just that some kids are seriously soooooooo likeable u can't help loving them and feel like bringing them home..haha even if they might be very naughty,not cooperative in class etc,you just can't bring urself to scold them coz they are aww soooo cute!~~
school hol's coming,i'm gonna miss my favs!ahhh i think i'm crazy..
looking forward to the p4 camp!
and lotsa saikang by the other teachers..
little monsters 2/8 driving me crazy~
always enjoy going into 2/1,little angels:))
and spending time talking and playing with little darlings from 1/3 even when i've no recess duty, just love seeing them and such innocent, genuine happiness when they see me.
the little things they do like little rachael feeding me her biscuit,zhi hao blow kiss at me,jingjie giving me gummy and force me to eat immediately,anthea snuggling up against me on the canteen bench,chunjia telling me about her japan trip in dec,ignatius/dingzhang proudly trying to show off to me how good their math are,kishan calling me pretty jiejie,even ryan accidentally 喷-ing his half chewed egg tart on my face while talking to me too excitedly and completely grossing me out....all the small but thoughtful things they do and the seemingly insignificant things they talked about ever so excitedly are things i wanna remember from this work experience,things i wanna soak myself in,coz in them,i see pure and genuine human hearts;hearts of little children,no wonder even God says,unless you become like one of those [little children],you'll not enter my kingdom.
even though when i go to the canteen now,i'll be "discovered" by the 3/4 kids within 5secs and after which i can forget about having a peaceful lunch...i really thank God for these kids' er..fondness of me(:S?) which i can't understand coz i don't even teach them,i just sit-in their math class occassionally...i guess they see in me more of a friend or dajiejie intead of a teacher which could be why they love to suddenly jump out from nowhere and scare me from the back,chase me around the canteen,clinch on to my hands so tight i can't even open my wallet to buy food,and hugging me real tight before going away to line up when recess ends....which is kind of overwhelming coz they don't do it one by one but as a group...like jellyfish wrapping arounds me..but somehow it just warms my heart every time.
i'm so glad kierol's not crying every morning now when coming to school and the bright sunshine smile she puts on whenever she sees me:) i can't describe it but she has such beautiful and sweet smiles,a smile that can light up the darkest corner of the world,a smile that can melt the "stone-est" heart,i pray that she'll keep smiling.
每天的工作虽然很辛苦，但是小朋友们的笑脸和拥护是我每天起床的动力；尽管2/8真的很坏，尽管声名狼藉的princeton总是叫我Miss Jaywalk,可是当odelia送我一张她画的画，erika送我一张她为什么喜欢我的小字条，看起来坏坏的jetrickson真心的跟我说一声byebye Miss J 的时候，心就化了。。
I feel that "bad" kids like princeton are actually good at heart,they behave the way they are probably due to some unspoken reason,i see a good boy in him,which makes me really wanna reach out to kids like him;i might not be powerful enough to change him,no;but i'm hoping that the least i can do,is to help him see and understand why he's behaving the way he is..and how he can change for the better,but the choice is his,i'm not a magician,i'm not a god,i can't MAKE it change.
most of them will forget me soon after i leave,after all they are just kids aged 7-10...but i'm hoping that for some of them,even after they grow older,they'd remember that once upon a time there was a teacher who reached out,who made a difference.i don't even care whether they remember my face or name,i just hope that i can teach them somethings that will last them for a long time,things out of the classroom,things about life,about treating people.i believe teaching is not just about filling students with knowledge but equally importantly,shaping their characters.
i guess despite everything,when i look back at my experience thusfar,i see more of rainbows and sunshine:))
(in no particular order of preference)
-mao
-chou
-xinyan
-liying
-liuchang
-kaini
-qianyi (i noe you won't ever see this but i really really really miss you...)
-wenhao
-yufan
-chi
-lien
-shilei
-joey
-hien
-stella
-bojia
-lydia
-jialer
-charis
-giselle
-charming
-cheong
-lingzhuo
-yinglu
-mrs yap
-mr leong
-uncle david
-pastor
也许有些人永远也不会看到这些，
但是我还是要说，
真的很谢谢你们；
因为有你们，
我的2010年 不一样；
因为有你们，
我会微笑着回味2010。
2010年永远地过去了，
也许多年后我会被遗忘，
但是你们留给我的回忆，
永远都在；
在我心里，
将永远留着属于你们的位置。
looking back at the posts from more than 4 years ago, i guess i've grown alot.maybe i still give people the impression of being childish,reliant,incompetent,panicky etc,but i've indeed er.. become more mature!haha..
i'm so glad i kept this blog alive even after so long,never expect it to last.it's like a record of my journey,from sec2 till now.it reminds me of the little blessings along the way that brings a smile when hopes seem frail;and also look back at all the anger,frustration,sadness and be able to shrug off all of them and say,i've made it through all that,nothing stands in my way and nothing's gonna stop me.
i love looking back at the past,coz it always shows me so clearly of God's love and grace in my life.
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outing with dancemates yesterday,i don't know how many more times we can gather again like that,but a scene like this,i just wanna replay it again and again.and again.
I found a way to let you in
but i never really had a doubt
standing in the light of your halo
i got my angel now
everywhere i'm looking now
i'm surrounded by your embrace
baby i can see your halo
you know you're my saving grace
you're everything i need and more
it's written all over your face
baby i can feel your halo
pray it won't fade away
Many thoughts after reading Tuesdays with Morrie. Love the book. Had this lump in my throat though it’s supposed to be a sweet story with a happy ending. Guess it’s coz it really spoke to me..
“Everyone knows that they’re going to die, but nobody believes it.” We all know how life should be lived, how we should never take anything for granted, but how many people actually live that way; how many people actually treasured what they have before it was too late. Everyone knows that they’re going to die, but nobody thought the day would come; or else life would have been lived very differently from what it is now, and the world would have been so different.
“Learn to give love and let love in”, I guess the problem with people today is not just many are so selfish and self-centered that they could care less about other, it is also that they didn’t want to accept love from other; love and goodness are always viewed as the masks of completely different motives, perhaps to benefit the self at the expense of others; and people thinks that when they accept love from others, they have to do something in return; but that’s not love, love is unconditional. “Only an open heart will allow you to float equally between everyone”. 心与心的交流，很难吗？
“Detaching oneself, it doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it”. “Spiritual security” is what I lack. “If you hold back on the emotions—if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them—you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that love entails.” I guess i’m just too afraid of losing something..that I’m worrying all the time and i’ll never really get to enjoy and appreciate it fully. “I want to know what’s happening, accept it, get to a peaceful place, and let go”, “Don’t let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” will I ever learn..?
“Invest in the human family. Invest in people. Build a little community of those you love and who love you”.
“Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” And love is also how you keep someone alive, even after they are gone. “As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” Touching the hearts of people..
“Love is when you are as concerned about someone else’s situation as you are about your own.” I can’t say I’m expert at it already, but I dare say, I’m getting there..hahahaha
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” My favourite quote from the book. Indeed, love transcends all beings, time and space.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
一个普通朋友见了你点头微笑,一个真正朋友见了你没有问候；
一个普通朋友在你没有事的时候常来找你,一个真正朋友在你有事时就来找你；
一个普通朋友在喝酒时会说,你不喝完这杯就不是朋友,一个真正朋友在喝酒时会说,别喝太多了；
一个普通朋友从来不会看到你哭，一个真正朋友却有双肩让你湿尽；
一个普通朋友能陪你喝完一瓶烈酒，一个真正朋友能陪你长谈一个黑夜；
一个普通朋友几年不见就感到陌生，一个真正朋友十年不见却更感亲切；
一个普通朋友的电话写在电话簿上都记不住，一个真正朋友的电话没有写下来却总记得一清二楚；
一个普通朋友总爱对你说，怎么还没找到一个女朋友啊，一个真正朋友却会悄悄对你说，明天我带你去认识一个新朋友；
一个普通朋友听了你唱的歌会掌声说真好听，一个真正朋友听了你唱的歌会说拜托下次别在折磨人了！；
一个普通朋友在春风得意时看不到你，一个真正朋友在你落魂失意时来看你；
一个普通朋友送烟给你抽，一个真正朋友却拿你烟去送人抽；
一个普通朋友常会对你说，有事尽管找我，一个真正朋友常会对你说，没事别来烦我；
一个普通朋友在你有事找他时却总说刚好没空，一个真正朋友在你有事时打电话来问你；
一个普通朋友能和你一起分享，一个真正朋友能和你分享痛苦；
一个普通朋友爱和你说他的成功往事，一个真正朋友爱和你说他的不如意和挫折失败；
一个普通朋友在和你吵架后就成了仇敌，一个真正朋友在和你吵架后依然是朋友；
一个普通朋友让你近墨者黑，一个真正朋友让你知道近墨者会黑。
最后的战役终于来临，但这不是世界末日；
就算龙卷风侵袭，我也不会退后，因为只有忍者才会胜利。
我会咬紧牙关，一路向北，相信蓝色风暴后就是晴天，
我会看到属于我的彩虹；
以父之名，阿门
是一种幸福的忧伤
是一种甜蜜的惆怅
是一种温馨的期盼
i wish i can use my brain on better things..
也许是害怕，
也许是感触太深，
也许是自己的软弱。
也许我不会跟任何人说，
不是我不想说，
而是有些东西真的没办法放进语言和文字，
是它们的局限吗？
还是人的内心世界真的深不可测？
也许我是个悲观主义者，
我也会作梦，
但真正相信的梦。。
也许不多。
希望越大失望越大，
所以我更喜欢相信最坏的，
因为这样我只会得到惊喜的。
害怕有一天，
当我醒过来，
发现我所熟悉的一切已不复存在，
被遗忘了也好，
被抛弃了也好；
转身看到的是空荡荡的一片，
没有一个人。。
想相信，
可是现实确是如此残酷，
害怕，害怕这是最后一次。。
难道就这么难吗？
就算我很努力也没用吗？
如果以后。。。
人说，只要周围的人开心、幸福就好，
我不知道我是否能达到那个境界。
或许我没那么大本事，
可能是我太贪心。。
老天对我已经很仁慈，
但人终归是人，
永远没有足够的时候。。
我真的好害怕...天～～～～
谁需要谁
白云和蓝天
依偎才有美好的画面
大风一吹离的并不远
下次见面以前都记得那感觉
yeahyeah we shouldn't care about what others think,but that's plain idealistic,we live in a pragmatic world,if you are not the best,you get eliminated,simple as that.
competing with yourself is for those at the top,they have to keep 超越 themselves to be the best of the best;but not for those at the bottom.maybe it's time to change the saying,compete with others；人比人，比死人,that's too bad.
what a gross world indeed.
是个充满希望的季节，
我们就要说再见，
不知何时再相见，
但相处的画面，
不停重复上映在眼前。
今年夏天
有种令人不舍的感觉，
徘徊在你我之间，
抹去彼此留下的泪水，
重新展开笑颜，
各自踏上锦绣的明天
[koped]
真的只是有时候，莫名的心情不好，不想和任何人说话，只想一个人静静的发呆。
如果有来生，要做一棵树，站成永恒，没有悲欢的姿势。
一半在尘土里安详，一半在风里飞扬，一半洒落阴凉，一半沐浴阳光。
非常沉默非常骄傲，从不依靠从不寻找。
“Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”
indeed,God gives us opportunities to learn..
看成败，人生豪迈，
只不过是从头再来；
他也许失去了一切，
钱财，事业，荣耀，威风，
但他没有失去希望与爱；
这种精神，
敬佩呵～
心若在，梦就在
and i found something else from the archive...
thursday, june 12, 2008;
i was touched by my own words..HAHA.
and this song just seems so appropriate here..
was randomly looking through some of my archives(yeah i noe i'm crazy to be doing such things at this time)...and i found this...
"Monday, June 02, 2008
I've officially turned into a MUGGER!ohman...
the evidence?i don't blog so much anymore,i don't use com so much anymore,i don't chat on msn so much anymore,i don't watch TV anymore,i revise for physics block test,i finished chinese hol homework,i do math like crazy for many consecutive days and i've even got a math tutor...==
wow i'm really a mugger...
well it might not be a bad thing.in fact i hope the mugger spirit will last till EOY!!i really really need to be a super mugger to pass!!!!YES!i shall perservere!!can do it!!i'm happy being a mugger:)
cca's taking up sooooo much time...it's disrupting my mugging schedule.but never,i shall improve on my hou4 tu3 so will have nice ti1 hou4 tui3 for chun1 dao4!yay!now i have a target for everything,all i need to do is to work towards them!!sounds easy!...and extremely optimistic..
planning outing with qiujiejie!!!lalalalala!!!shall force her to go Kbox with us:)))so exciting!!!can't wait!!!
i'm soooo hungry...starving...mum and dad are out shopping!no one to cook==
mao's coming back on fri:)yay...presents:)))...of cuz i don't juz look forward to the presents..HAHA
it's going to be an extremely busy week...with cca like everyday from tmr onwards...wow,i'm really gonna lose lots of fats:)!expect to see a very slim jieyi when school reopens!!HAHHA...but sadly that's the ideal situation and not everything in reality is ideal...the more i exercise,the more i eat..zzzzz
oh i got new specs!it's purple!wenjing i allow u to be jealous of me:))it's my most ex pair!!somemore i paid for it!!!!xin1 tong4!!!!hope this one will last...and my degrees pls don't increase anymore!!!i'm so old already!!should stop increasing!!!why can't you be like my height?which didn't increase for even ONE nanometer for the past FOUR years==!!!!
ok i think i should go do some work...enough of slacking...muggers don't slack."
haiz,mugging spirit,PLEASE COME BACK TO ME BABE~~
— Cecelia Ahern (PS, I Love You)
and i don't know what i'm feeling..
stressed?scared?or nothingO:
but i know i'm being engulfed by this overwhelming emotions,
again.
knew that it'd be here sooner or later..
and just like the millions of times i've endured it in the past,
i'm gonna have to face it again..
people say that the more you experience something,
the more you'll learn and get use to it.
but somethings i've never been able to understand,
or learnt to accept;
guess i never will or want to;
i'm living in my self-deceiving world..
a perfect world that i'm trying to create for myself,
but life has it that i'll never succeed,
or even come close to that;
coz life is life.
it's okay though,
i'll never stop trying,
这样的天，
总会让我想很多...
有好有坏吧～
雨点滴答滴答地落在脸颊，
心里突然涌出一股暖流，
其实我很幸福呢，
不是么？:)